William Cowper
The Diverting History of John Gilpin
Showing how he went farther than he intended and came safe home again
John Gilpin was a citizen | ||
Of credit and renown, | ||
A train-band Captain eke was he | ||
Of famous London town. | ||
5 | John Gilpin's spouse said to her dear, | |
Though wedded we have been | ||
These twice ten tedious years, yet we | ||
No holiday have seen. | ||
To-morrow is our wedding-day, | ||
10 | And we will then repair | |
Unto the Bell at Edmonton | ||
All in a chaise and pair. | ||
My sister and my sister's child, | ||
My self and children three | ||
15 | Will fill the chaise, so you must ride | |
On horse-back after we. | ||
He soon replied, I do admire | ||
Of womankind but one | ||
And you are she, my dearest dear, | ||
20 | Therefore it shall be done. | |
I am a linnen-draper bold, | ||
As all the world doth know, | ||
And my good friend the Callender | ||
Will lend his horse to go. | ||
25 | Quoth Mrs. Gilpin, that's well said; | |
And for that wine is dear, | ||
We will be furnish'd with our own, | ||
Which is both bright and clear. | ||
John Gilpin kiss'd his loving wife, | ||
30 | O'erjoy'd was he to find | |
That though on pleasure she was bent, | ||
She had a frugal mind. | ||
The morning came, the chaise was brought, | ||
But yet was not allow'd | ||
35 | To drive up to the door, lest all | |
Should say that she was proud. | ||
So three doors off the chaise was stay'd, | ||
Where they did all get in, | ||
Six precious souls, and all agog | ||
40 | To dash through thick and thin. | |
Smack went the whip, round went the wheels, | ||
Were never folk so glad, | ||
The stones did rattle underneath | ||
As if Cheapside were mad. | ||
45 | John Gilpin at his horse's side | |
Seiz'd fast the flowing mane, | ||
And up he got in haste to ride, | ||
But soon came down again. | ||
For saddle-tree scarce reach'd had he, | ||
50 | His journey to begin, | |
When, turning round his head he saw | ||
Three customers come in. | ||
So down he came, for loss of time | ||
Although it griev'd him sore, | ||
55 | Yet loss of pence, full well he knew, | |
Would trouble him much more. | ||
'Twas long before the customers | ||
Were suited to their mind, | ||
When Betty screaming came down stairs, | ||
60 | 'The wine is left behind.' | |
Good lack! quoth he, yet bring it me, | ||
My leathern belt likewise | ||
In which I bear my trusty sword | ||
When I do exercise. | ||
65 | Now mistress Gilpin, careful soul, | |
Had two stone bottles found, | ||
To hold the liquor that she lov'd, | ||
And keep it safe and sound. | ||
Each bottle had a curling ear | ||
70 | Through which the belt he drew, | |
And hung a bottle on each side | ||
To make his balance true. | ||
Then over all, that he might be | ||
Equipp'd from top to toe, | ||
75 | His long red cloak well brush'd and neat | |
He manfully did throw. | ||
Now see him mounted once again | ||
Upon his nimble steed, | ||
Full slowly pacing o'er the stones | ||
80 | With caution and good heed. | |
But finding soon a smoother road | ||
Beneath his well-shod feet, | ||
The snorting beast began to trot, | ||
Which gall'd him in his seat. | ||
85 | So fair and softly, John he cried, | |
But John he cried in vain, | ||
That trot became a gallop soon | ||
In spite of curb and rein. | ||
So stooping down, as needs he must | ||
90 | Who cannot sit upright, | |
He grasp'd the mane with both his hands | ||
And eke with all his might. | ||
His horse who never in that sort | ||
Had handled been before, | ||
95 | What thing upon his back had got | |
Did wonder more and more. | ||
Away went Gilpin neck or nought, | ||
Away went hat and wig, | ||
He little dreamt when he set out, | ||
100 | Of running such a rig. | |
The wind did blow, the cloak did fly, | ||
Like streamer long and gay, | ||
'Til loop and button failing both | ||
At last it flew away. | ||
105 | Then might all people well discern | |
The bottles he had slung, | ||
A bottle swinging at each side | ||
As hath been said or sung. | ||
The dogs did bark, the children scream'd, | ||
110 | Up flew the windows all, | |
And ev'ry soul cried out, well done, | ||
As loud as he could bawl. | ||
Away went Gilpin, who but he; | ||
His fame soon spread around. | ||
115 | He carries weight, he rides a race, | |
'Tis for a thousand pound. | ||
And still as fast as he drew near, | ||
'Twas wonderful to view | ||
How in a trice the turnpike-men | ||
120 | Their gates wide open threw. | |
And now as he went bowing down | ||
His reeking head full low, | ||
The bottles twain behind his back | ||
Were shatter'd at a blow. | ||
125 | Down ran the wine into the road | |
Most piteous to be seen, | ||
Which made his horse's flanks to smoke | ||
As they had basted been. | ||
But still he seem'd to carry weight, | ||
130 | With leathern girdle brac'd, | |
For all might see the bottle necks | ||
Still dangling at his waist. | ||
Thus all through merry Islington | ||
These gambols he did play, | ||
135 | And till he came unto the wash | |
Of Edmonton so gay. | ||
And there he threw the wash about | ||
On both sides of the way, | ||
Just like unto a trundling mop, | ||
140 | Or a wild-goose at play. | |
At Edmonton his loving wife | ||
From the balcony spied | ||
Her tender husband, wond'ring much | ||
To see how he did ride. | ||
145 | Stop, stop, John Gilpin! - Here's the house | |
They all at once did cry, | ||
The dinner waits and we are tir'd, | ||
Said Gilpin - so am I. | ||
But yet his horse was not a whit | ||
150 | Inclin'd to tarry there, | |
For why? his owner had a house | ||
Full ten miles off at Ware. | ||
So like an arrow swift he flew | ||
Shot by an archer strong, | ||
155 | So did he fly - which brings me to | |
The middle of my song. | ||
Away went Gilpin, out of breath, | ||
And sore against his will, | ||
Till at his friend the Callender's | ||
160 | His horse at last stood still. | |
The Callender amaz'd to see | ||
His neighbour in such trim, | ||
Laid down his pipe, flew to the gate, | ||
And thus accosted him. | ||
165 | What news, what news, your tidings tell, | |
Tell me you must and shall - | ||
Say why bare-headed you are come, | ||
Or why you come at all. | ||
Now Gilpin had a pleasant wit | ||
170 | And lov'd a timely joke, | |
And thus unto the Callender | ||
In merry guise he spoke. | ||
I came because your horse would come, | ||
And if I well forbode, | ||
175 | My hat and wig will soon be here, | |
They are upon the road. | ||
The Callender right glad to find | ||
His friend in merry pin, | ||
Return'd him not a single word, | ||
180 | But to the house went in. | |
Whence straight he came with hat and wig, | ||
A wig that flow'd behind, | ||
A hat not much the worse for wear, | ||
Each comely in its kind. | ||
185 | He held them up, and, in his turn | |
Thus show'd his ready wit, | ||
My head is twice as big as yours | ||
They therefore needs must fit. | ||
But let me scrape the dirt away | ||
190 | That hangs upon your face, | |
And stop and eat, for well you may | ||
Be in a hungry case. | ||
Said John, It is my wedding-day, | ||
And all the world would stare, | ||
195 | If wife should dine at Edmonton | |
And I should dine at Ware. | ||
So, turning to his horse, he said, | ||
I am in haste to dine, | ||
'Twas for your pleasure you came here, | ||
200 | You shall go back for mine. | |
Ah luckless speech, and bootless boast, | ||
For which he paid full dear, | ||
For while he spake a braying ass | ||
Did sing most loud and clear. | ||
205 | Whereat his horse did snort as he | |
Had heard a lion roar, | ||
And gallop'd off with all his might | ||
As he had done before. | ||
Away went Gilpin and away | ||
210 | Went Gilpin's hat and wig; | |
He lost them sooner than at first, | ||
For why? they were too big. | ||
Now, mistress Gilpin when she saw | ||
Her husband posting down | ||
215 | Into the country far away, | |
She pull'd out half a crown. | ||
And thus unto the youth she said | ||
That drove them to the Bell, | ||
This shall be yours when you bring back | ||
220 | My husband safe and well. | |
The youth did ride, and soon did meet | ||
John coming back again, | ||
Whom in a trice he tried to stop | ||
By catching at his rein. | ||
225 | But not performing what he meant | |
And gladly would have done, | ||
The frighted steed he frighted more, | ||
And made him faster run. | ||
Away went Gilpin, and away | ||
230 | Went post-boy at his heels, | |
The post-boy's horse right glad to miss | ||
The lumb'ring of the wheels. | ||
Six gentlemen upon the road | ||
Thus seeing Gilpin fly, | ||
235 | With post-boy scamp'ring in the rear, | |
They rais'd the hue and cry. | ||
Stop thief, stop thief - a highwayman! | ||
Not one of them was mute, | ||
And all and each that pass'd that way | ||
240 | Did join in the pursuit. | |
And now the turnpike gates again | ||
Flew open in short space, | ||
The toll-men thinking as before | ||
That Gilpin rode a race. | ||
245 | And so he did and won it too, | |
For he got first to town, | ||
Nor stopp'd till where he had got up | ||
He did again get down. | ||
Now let us sing, long live the king, | ||
250 | And Gilpin long live he. | |
And when he next doth ride abroad, | ||
May I be there to see! | ||
First published 1782